


With Shortness of Breath (I’ll Explain the Infinite)

by VakarianDusks



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: (Slightly), Accidental Mind Reading, Consensual Mind Reading, DameRey, Damerey Week, Eventual relationship, F/M, First Kiss, Force-Sensitive Poe Dameron, If You Squint - Freeform, Mind Reading, Mind Training, Oblivious-To-Feelings Rey, Past Torture, Pining Poe Dameron, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, That's Not How The Force Works, The Force Ships It, force connection, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 07:55:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16828369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VakarianDusks/pseuds/VakarianDusks
Summary: Poe seeks out Rey’s help to train him to resist a Force user’s mind probing. Somewhere along the way they become friends (and then some).





	With Shortness of Breath (I’ll Explain the Infinite)

**Author's Note:**

> I guess this is AU now if you take the Poe Dameron comics into account (which apparently the movies don’t...so take that how you will) and this also takes their TLJ meeting as canon instead of the TFA novel. Enjoy!

_I’m Rey._  
  
_I know._  
  
She smiles. She’s reunited with Finn and Leia and BB8; people who care about her. And then there’s Poe. She knows him by reputation thanks to BB8 who beeped on and on about his master, known only to her as ‘classified’, that first night on Jakku. He has an honest face and kind eyes, she notices right away. BB8 did not exaggerate. She can’t help but feel BB8 might have done some talking about her in return, given Poe’s warm reception to her.  
  
_You’re nothing._  
  
Rey jerks awake. It’s quiet, save for the hum of the engines as they fly through hyperspace. What’s left of the Resistance is on board and everyone is worn out and asleep. Realising she is alone, Rey releases a breath and sinks back into her seat. There’s something on the edge of her consciousness she can’t quite place, she doesn't think it's _him_ , but it's something.  
  
She reclines in the pilot seat of the Falcon, looking out at the blue glow of hyperspace, lost in thought, the feeling growing stronger.  
  
She sits up alert, her heart hammering, suddenly worried it _is_ Kylo Ren. She knows their connection is still there; much weaker now Snoke is dead, but she feels in her bones that once a bond is made it cannot be unmade. Still, it’s weak enough that she can keep him out now. It doesn’t take the amount of effort Luke had used to close himself off to the Force.  
  
But this isn’t Kylo. His edges are sharp and dangerous; like the cold, dark, void of space.  
  
This is warmth. A gentle curl of heat, soothing and familiar; Rey finds this odd because she knows how Finn feels to be around. And Leia and Chewie. It’s nothing like them.  
  
Her thoughts go unbidden to a forest. It’s lush and green and _warm_. She feels a tug of longing in her chest, a feeling of home, of-  
  
The image flashes out of her mind with a stab of pain behind her eyes and she gasps. She’s back in the cockpit of the Falcon.  
  
Taking a few moments to catch her breath, she jumps when footsteps sound behind her.  
  
It’s Poe.  
  
She swallows, still feeling on edge.  
  
“Hey.” He greets her, his voice hoarse, as if he’s just woken up. “Mind if I join you?”  
  
Rey shakes her head and shifts in her seat when Poe takes the co-pilot seat next to her. It’s strange seeing someone other than Chewie there, Rey thinks, but he doesn’t look entirely out of place either.  
  
“Everything okay?” Rey asks, watching as Poe sinks back in the chair and leans back against the headrest, his eyes half shut.  
  
“Can’t sleep.” He doesn’t say anything else, just stares out at the blue. There’s that feeling again.  
  
Mortified, Rey realises suddenly it was Poe. Poe’s warmth, Poe’s dream.  
  
It’s clear now, in the small cockpit of the Falcon, as the weariness rolls off him in waves, his thoughts bleeding out. He dwells on the battle; of the lives lost. The edges of his mind are raw and exposed and (she realises with a jolt) just like hers after Kylo Ren's ruthless assault on her memories on Starkiller Base.  
  
Rey shakes her head to try and keep Poe’s thoughts out and speaks instead, ignoring that feeling of familiarity.  
  
“BeeBee-Ate told me a lot about you.” She feels his mood spike slightly at the mention of the droid and thinks this is definitely the way to cheer him up.  
  
“He’s certainly enamoured with you.” Poe smiles. “It was all ‘Rey this’ and ‘Rey that’ when you were gone.” He hadn’t even spent all that much time with the droid between the evacuation of D’Qar, BB8 going off with Finn and Rose, and their reunion on Crait. But BB8 had still found the time to tell him about Rey.  
  
She smiles at that. She’s dearly fond of the droid too.  
  
“I never got the chance to thank you for taking care of him on Jakku.” He looks at her then, eyes full of sincerity (but she can feel it anyway). Rey holds his gaze a fraction too long before breaking eye contact and muttering a ‘you’re welcome’.  
  
She’s taken by the urge to ask about his dream - because she knows for certain now that’s what she saw before. It felt like Poe. The place he longed for was beautiful and she wants to know more about it. She doesn’t open her mouth though, feeling guilty for looking inside his head without even meaning to.  
  
Poe seems content enough not to speak and silence stretches between them as they look out into the blue.  
  
They fly on.

* * *

The Resistance finds a base. It’s an old Rebel base with outdated tech but, like Crait, it’s a fortress.  
  
The planet isn’t anything to celebrate - the surface is mostly barren with a vast network of subterranean tunnels that had been used for mining long before the Rebels took up residence in them. The underground base works well for avoiding detection. The feeling of claustrophobia overwhelms Rey though. At least on Jakku when her AT-AT felt too small she could climb out and see the sky. Here she feels trapped; like she’s underneath the island again.  
  
Leia insists that Rey is assigned quarters, not allowing her to sleep on the Falcon while they are settled. Chewie advises her not to argue and she figures that if Chewie says so, then he’s probably right.  
  
She’s carrying a pack with her very few belongings, trying to find her assigned room, when BB8 barrells down the tunnel behind her. She spins to face him as the droid beeps frantically before rolling to a stop.  
  
“Don’t worry, I’m not wandering off.” She tells the excitable droid gently. “I’m trying to find my room.”  
  
BB8 chirps that he will help and rolls along ahead of her, assessing each door until he turns and bumps against one, the weight of him creates a ‘thunk’ against the metal door.  
  
“Are you sure this-”  
  
Rey is cut off when the door hisses open to reveal Poe. Rey’s stomach drops.  
  
“Hey!” Poe greets her with a smile and then looks down at BB8. “What’s up, buddy?”  
  
BB8 emits a series of beeps that makes Poe laugh and Rey shuffle awkwardly.  
  
“I’m trying to find my room.” Rey tells him before BB8 can say anything else.  
  
“This one’s taken I’m afraid.” Poe smiles, shrugging. BB8 gives a beep and Poe looks down at the droid in embarrassment.  
  
“We’re not going to share. Rey wants her own room.” Poe shakes his head and gives Rey an apologetic look. “Sorry.”  
  
BB8’s beeps turn indignant.  
  
“I won’t be far away, BeeBee-Ate.” Rey speaks up, and the droid swivels to look up at her. Poe looks at her too. Keeping his photoreceptor on her, BB8 turns on his axis and deliberately rolls backwards to the door opposite and taps against it. Rey can’t help but laugh. Evidently unoccupied, the door remains closed.

“Fine.” She smiles and BB8, apparently satisfied, turns to access the control panel by the door and it slides open with a hiss, revealing an empty room inside.

“I guess I’ll see you around, neighbour.” Poe smiles. Rey swallows and feels an uncomfortable weight settle in her stomach as she enters her room and Poe returns to his. BB8 follows her instead of Poe.

She has been avoiding the pilot as much as she can. It hasn’t been difficult what with scouting missions and the chaos of moving what equipment and people they have into the base. But after their first encounter on the Falcon she has come to realise just how exposed he is to her. Her frustration and embarrassment over her lack of control leads her to keep as far from him as she can without arousing suspicion (though it’s difficult when they share a friendship with Finn). Whenever she's around him she can feel him in her head; buzzing with adrenaline after a flight, weary after intelligence briefings, the rush of affection for his friends and squadron whenever he is around them. She tries to ignore it, but it seems Poe feels his emotions deeply.

It’s getting worse and being across the hall from him will not help.

She no longer needs to be close by to feel him and, again, Rey worries about bonds created by the Force. She has not been troubled with Kylo in recent weeks though she can’t help but fear that he is always there; hovering on the edge of her consciousness, waiting to break through. She worries about the danger it poses to the Resistance, and knowing how easy it is to see Poe’s mind she worries that if Kylo _was_ to get through, he’d get to Poe. The thought chills her. The only reason Poe’s mind is so vulnerable is because of Kylo’s torture. Could there be a bond there too?

As she prepares for bed she tries to clear her mind. She focuses on the small details as she did during her first ‘lesson’ with Luke. The feel of the blanket in her hands. The smooth stone floor, cold under her bare feet. It helps keep the rest of her thoughts from crushing her.

Hours later she wakes suddenly, reaching for her staff, though her room is dark and still. The hum of the generators is far off but all Rey can hear right now is her own harsh breathing in her ears. At once she knows what’s happening. She swings her legs over the side of her bunk, contemplating whether or not she should do it. Taking a deep breath she stands and exits her room. She is in a sleep tunic and trousers, her hair loose and about her face, but there’s no one around to see her (not that she would care).

She knocks on the door of Poe’s room and waits. There is no answer - though she doesn’t expect one from him. She feels his nightmare press in against her thoughts. She hopes BB8’s sensors will pick her up, even if the droid is powered down for the night. She knocks again, harder his time. Her knuckles creating a dull sound against the metal door. She looks at the access panel, considering for a brief moment bypassing the security (she could do it, she knows) but immediately dismisses the idea. She's already intruding enough. She's talking herself out of it and is turning back to her own room when the door slides open. BB8 greets her, telling her Master Poe is asleep but his vitals are elevated.

“Tell me about it.” Rey mutters, then kneels to look directly into BB8’s photoreceptor. “I think I can help him.”

BB8 rolls to the side to permit her entry. Rey quiets the voice inside telling her this is _too much_ as she steps inside. Friends don't do this (and even then, she’s not even sure they _are_ friends yet). She kneels by Poe’s bed, the shirt he’s wearing is patchy with sweat and he’s tangled his legs in the blanket. Rey extends her hand to shake him awake but hesitates and withdraws it again.

She looks at BB8 and the droid looks back at her. She shrugs, suddenly feeling helpless, wondering why she thought this was a good idea as she looks back at Poe. Maybe she _can’t_ help him.

“Poe…” she keeps her voice low. He doesn't stir. Taking a breath Rey reaches out towards him again, intent this time to shake him but the moment she touches him he wakes with a start.

Both of them yell in surprise as his eyes snap open just a few inches from hers and Rey falls backwards, scrambling away from the bunk in the confined room. BB8 beeps frantically and brings the lights up.

“Rey?” Poe sits up, squinting down at her in the sudden brightness.

“I'm sorry!” Rey gasps. “I thought I could help!”

Her face is burning and Poe still looks disoriented; he runs a hand over his face, shining with sweat.

“Help with what?” Poe asks, still on edge.

BB8 babbles in binary about Poe's vitals until Poe interrupts him.

“Buddy, could you…go get me some water?” Poe struggles to keep his voice even. The droid immediately chirps affirmative and rolls quickly from the room, leaving Rey and Poe alone.

Having distracted his droid for now, Poe takes a breath before he reaches for the blanket wrapped around his legs and tugs it free so he can sit up. Rey still remains sprawled on the floor, frozen, held up by her elbows.

“So what were you trying to do?” Poe’s fingertips rub at his eyes, still not quite adjusted to the light.

“I don't know.” Rey confesses. “I just wanted to help. I knew you were having a nightmare-”

“Did BeeBee-Ate…”

“No.” Rey interrupts him. She knows she has to tell him now. She opens her mouth but struggles to find the words. How to tell him that she can see what he’s thinking and feeling without even trying to? How to tell him her mind is connected with Kylo’s - the man who caused all of his torment? How to tell him she knows what was done to him because she saw it in his tormentor’s mind?

“You can read my mind, can't you?” Poe asks quietly. Rey looks up at him, mouth agape.

“I can feel it.” Poe rubs at his forehead. “In my head.”

Rey swallows and tries to work out how to apologise. If Poe knows she has been in his head this whole time then he has every right to hate her, it doesn’t matter if it was unintentional.

“I’ve seen what you can do with the Force, Rey.” He finally looks at her but there’s no hint of accusation in his eyes. “And I've had Kylo Ren in my head. I know what it feels like.”

“I didn’t mean to I...I’m sorry.” She finally manages to stammer out. “I’m still trying to learn control.” Her limbs finally move and she pushes herself up and onto her knees.  
  
“Do you read everyone's mind?" He asks, suddenly curious.

"No!" She frowns at him then, angry that he’d think that of her.

"So what makes _me_ special?" He raises an eyebrow at her.

"You're not! I mean- I don't-" She feels her cheeks burn. She takes a breath, closing her eyes to calm down. The whole situation has left her feeling shaken.

Poe waits patiently for her to explain.

“Your mind is vulnerable.” With a sigh of resignation she finally looks at him and sees a flicker of annoyance in his eyes. “I think it’s because…”

“Because of what he did to me?” Poe finishes for her. She nods, chewing on the inside of her lip. No need to clarify who ‘he’ is.

“I saw it in his mind. I'm so sorry, Poe.” Rey confesses.

He watches her with a steady gaze. He doesn't shrug off her sympathy but he still doesn't say anything either.

When Kylo had tortured her on Starkiller Base, he had made her relive her worst moments, had dragged up every fear she had ever had. He had ripped thoughts and memories right out of her head as if it was nothing. She knows he did the same to Poe - perhaps with even less control because he saw Poe as expendable. She knows she would have suffered the same if she hadn’t had the ability to fight back.

“So you can see inside his mind?” Poe asks suddenly.

“Not exactly.” Rey feels herself becoming evasive. She doesn’t want to tell him. Not right now. Not when he barely knows her and might not understand her reasoning.

“You can’t see what his plan is? Where they’ll be next?”

“No, that’s not how it works. And he’d know how to keep me out.” Rey tells him, though in truth she doesn’t know how it works. “It's...difficult to explain…”

Poe waits patiently while Rey tries to find the words, but when she meets his gaze they come tumbling out. She tells him about Kylo, their connection created by Snoke, the Island, everything.

Throughout her speech Poe keeps silent and remains so for several minutes after she is done.

“I haven’t told anyone. Not even Leia.” _Especially not Leia_ , she thinks.

Poe is silent for a long time, staring at the ground, and Rey grows anxious, feeling the conflicting emotions in him.

“I thought if I could convince him to join us we would stand a better chance.” She tells him, feeling foolish for ever thinking so. Ben Solo was truly gone. The guilt twists her stomach again, knowing now that if she had succeeded in turning Kylo, Poe would have been forced to fight alongside a man who had tortured and tormented him. And not just Poe. So many in the Resistance had suffered as a result of the First Order - of which Kylo had been an integral part.

“You said the bond is weaker now?” Poe’s voice is strained and he still doesn’t look at her.

“Yes.” She sighs. Her confession has exhausted her though she does feel lighter having shared her secret. “I hoped Snoke’s death would have broken it but…”

Did she dare voice her fear?

“But what?” Poe presses.

“I don’t think connections like that _can be_ unmade.” She finally looks up at him again and finds him staring at her.

“Does that mean he’ll always be in my head?” He asks quietly, sounding defeated.

“I don’t know.” Rey admits. “I’m sorry.”

Poe looks as though he is about to say more but is interrupted by the return of BB8, who holds a small cup of water in his claw. The droid has been away for a suspiciously long time for such a task but neither Poe or Rey question it.

Rey scrambles to her feet as the droid rolls towards Poe.

“I should go.” She mutters and darts out of the room before Poe can say anything more.

* * *

Rey has been hiding (though she wouldn’t admit to it) on the Falcon for hours, having successfully avoided Poe for most of the day thanks to him conducting training with some of the new recruits. She’s managed to evade Finn as well, only because she’s worried that Poe has perhaps told him something of her confession.

She’s fiddling with a circuit board in the main hold of the Falcon when she hears footsteps and, too busy with her task, gets ready to tell Chewie she’s not hungry when she looks up, realising it’s Poe.

He’s still in his orange flight suit and he hesitates before stepping closer. “Hi.”

“Hi.” She says back, her hands going still, unsure of what to do. She gets to her feet, placing the circuit board on the table and avoiding his eye.

“I came to talk to you about last night…” Poe begins. Rey takes a breath before meeting his gaze. It isn’t hostile, to her relief.

“I’m sorry.” Rey tells him sincerely. “I know what it’s like to have someone in your head and I thought maybe I could help. You have every right to be angry.”

“Do you think you can? Help, I mean?” Poe brings his hands together in a nervous gesture.

“I...I don’t know.” Rey admits. “This power...it’s still new to me and I’m still learning to control it. And your mind is...exposed.”  
  
“So you can read it even if you don’t want to.” Poe nods, as if he already understands.

“Yes.”

The knowledge that he has a weakness that might be exploited again by the enemy weighs on his shoulders and he heaves a sigh.

“You know what happened to me?” Poe looks up at Rey who nods uncomfortably. “He got inside my head and I wasn’t strong enough to keep him out. That’s how he knew about BeeBee-Ate.”

She knew all of this because she had seen it in Kylo’s mind. Glimpses when he had tried to do the same to her and then clearer when she was unknowingly bonded with him. But she let’s Poe speak, thinking he maybe hasn’t been able to speak about it until now.

“I can’t let that happen again. I know I don’t have a hope in the stars to keep a Sith out of my head but…enough to keep him at bay, to maybe buy time. ”

Rey knows from Luke that Kylo isn't a Sith; but Poe grew up with stories of the Jedi and the Sith, she supposes the distinction for him lies only in the light versus the dark side.

“But what can I do?”

“Teach me how to block my mind.” Poe looks at her, eyes clear with determination. “I need to learn how to keep someone out...otherwise I’m too much of a liability.”

Rey looks at him, _really_ looks at him. He looks as though he's slept properly in days - maybe even weeks. He hasn’t shaved in a few days and his face looks gaunt, and she thinks perhaps he’s not been eating.

“I don’t even know if that’s possible if you don’t have a way with the Force.” Rey shakes her head.

“But we can try.” He insists.

“I don't _want_ to get inside your head. I don’t want to hurt you.” She remembers how jarring it is. How distinctly unnatural it feels to have an unfamiliar presence inside your thoughts and emotions. She remembers the pain of Kylo digging through her memories like it was nothing.

“That’s the point, I’ll be trying to keep you _out_.” Poe can’t help the desperation in his voice. “And you won’t hurt me. You haven’t so far.”

That makes Rey stop. She stares at him for several moments.

“I’ve felt you this whole time.” Poe’s voice goes quiet as he tells her. He had said the same the night before. “It wasn’t like _him_. Not painful, just...there. Always on the edge, like...”

“Like seeing something out of the corner of your eye.” Rey finishes for him and he nods.

“I trust you.” His voice was sincere.

“You don’t even know me.” Rey frowns at him.

“I get a sense about these things.” His smile is half hearted as he tries to remain serious.

Rey continues to look skeptical but Poe holds her gaze. “Please, will you help me?”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Poe repeats for confirmation.

Rey nods. “We’ll need somewhere quiet.”

* * *

The following day they’re sitting across from each other, crossed legged on the floor of Poe’s quarters. He has more floor space than she does and they’re less likely to be interrupted than if they were on board the Falcon. She has explained the basics to him, what feelings to concentrate on. She tells him she isn’t much of a teacher but Poe waves off her concern.

Rey tells him to think of something; an object or a place or a memory.

“I want you to promise you’ll stop me if it gets too much.” She stares at him, intent on being understood.

“I promise.” He nods.

She starts out slowly, closing her eyes and letting her consciousness reach out until it senses him. She skirts around his edges, already feeling the block he’s concentrating on keeping up. She pushes, just a little, nowhere near enough power behind it. He's trying too hard in the wrong way and she knows he's going to exhaust himself too soon. She pushes and he bends but doesn’t break.

And so it goes on.

“You’re going easy on me.” Poe grins at her when they’re an hour in and Rey smiles sheepishly.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” She admits.

“You won’t.” Poe tells her, confident in her ability (even if she isn’t).

She takes a deep breath, ready to try again.

Rey’s forehead creases as she focuses harder - though there’s still not nearly enough power behind it. She stares intently into his warm eyes, leaning closer. He’s concentrating hard, sweat beading at his temples as he attempts to keep his mental block up. It lasts a few more moments before Poe breaks away from their stand off with a gasp.

Rey is slower to break the connection and suddenly with the barrier down she rushes into his head like a wave, unable to stop. She sees flashes of memories. Rey gasps and blinks into awareness again.

“I’m sorry!” She stammers immediately, Poe looks exhausted.

“No, you did good. You did it.”

Rey stares at him, concerned he’s putting on a brave face, that maybe he’s pushed himself too much when they’ve only just started. He meets her gaze but before she can voice her concern they are interrupted by the curious beeping of BB8. She and Poe blink and turn to look at the droid, startled at his sudden presence.

BB8 informs his master that General Organa has sent for him. Poe scrambles to his feet, ready to offer a hand to Rey but she is already standing.

“Same time next week?” Rey asks. She doesn’t know why she feels embarrassed about being discovered; as if they were doing something to be ashamed of.

“That long?”

“You shouldn’t push your mind too much. It needs time to rest and recover.”

“Next week it is then.”

And it continues like this for weeks.

* * *

She teaches him. She's never really taught anyone anything before and she's not sure she's very good at it. She gets frustrated with herself when she can't find the right words to explain but Poe is a patient student; he tries to follow her instruction as best he can and asks for guidance when he is unsure. She teaches him where best to focus his energy when mounting a defense, especially with no force ability of his own to strike back with.

She is curious however, about how he can mount any proper defense at all and she wonders if there isn’t something Force sensitive about Poe after all - even just slightly. It could explain his reflexes when flying (she’d never seen anyone quite so daring, except maybe herself) though she knows he could just be _that_ talented a pilot.

Somewhere between their ‘sessions’, their missions, and the rare days of downtime that sometimes sync up, they become friends. Not that they hadn't been _friendly_ before but now they’re not so much people who share mutual acquaintances and more actual friends.

They sit together for meals in the mess hall and Poe shows her the finer points of flying an X-Wing. He brings her spare parts he can salvage for her to modify and tinker with and when she asks him about it he shrugs it off with a smile saying it's nothing.

Her friendship with Finn and Poe leads to friendship with Rose. The technician had been wary of Rey at first - the power she had was mythic and she didn’t know how to be around the young woman who could supposedly restore the Jedi to the galaxy. That had been until she had found Rey digging through the scrap metal pile and the two had spent days repurposing an old back-up generator together.

Rey finds the curl of jealousy that had formed in her stomach at seeing Finn and Rose together that first time on the Falcon twists into something else. She thinks that maybe she wasn’t jealous of them at all - at least not in the way she had initially thought. Perhaps it’s more the fact they have each other (and she knows they do because they’re not subtle about it at all even if they think they are) and the feeling in her stomach comes from that old fear of being left alone.

Poe and Rey’s training still continues. Usually tucked away on the Falcon or Poe's quarters or Rey's; wherever they can remain undisturbed. No one knows what they are doing and Poe jokes that they’re going to start gossip if they keep sneaking off together. Rey rolls her eyes at the idea and Poe pretends it doesn't bother him when she does.

* * *

Poe’s eyes lock onto hers as she focuses in on him. His defenses are up and waiting for her, he’s blocking her completely and that’s a surprise. She pulls back and blinks out of the deep concentration. With the connection broken Poe slumps back and releases a breath. When Rey looks over at him, confusion written plainly on her features, he’s breathing heavier than usual but there’s a grin on his face.

“I’ve been practicing.”

“Without me?” Rey looks back at him with a small smile.

“I need to do _something_ when I can’t sleep.” Poe shrugs and sits up straight again, shuffling closer to her.

“Are you sure you want to again?” Rey eyes him skeptically. Poe nods and raises his hand to beckon her closer. Rey sits up to face him once more.

They begin again.

Again Rey narrows in on his mind, again she is met by his mental block. Suddenly Poe grabs her wrist and pulls her hand up, pressing it to his temple. The sudden contact makes Rey falter and the connection almost breaks but then she understands.

The physical contact is making it easier (for her); she’s sensing the weaknesses in Poe’s defenses now. Rey probes harder, no longer feeling as though she is pressing against a stone wall. Poe’s wall is beginning to bend under her.

Poe releases a small, short grunt of exertion and it brings Rey back to the room. She immediately severs the connection and Poe gasps. Their eyes meet and they remain in silence. Rey is only acutely aware of how close they’ve drawn together, her hand still by his face. She searches Poe’s eyes for any sign of distress, any lasting effect of her invasion.

“You could have kept going.” Poe tells her quietly.

“I told you when we started this, I didn’t want to hurt you.” Rey says, her voice equally low.

Poe heaves a sigh, allowing his shoulders to slump and Rey’s forgotten hand slips into his hair at his movement. He swallows as Rey’s eyes continue to search his, sure he’s putting on a brave face.

“Rey, I’m fine. Really.”

Her fingers curl unconsciously into his dark hair and the sensation seems to make her aware again. Blinking rapidly, she pulls away from him. It’s easier to think when he isn’t inches from her face.

Rey doesn’t meet his eyes as she clears her throat, worried that she might have hurt him unintentionally and he isn’t being honest about it.

Poe swallows and becomes as equally interested in the floor. He tries not to show his disappointment too plainly on his face.

“You haven’t been sleeping?” Rey asks, trying to ease the tension that has suddenly become palpable. She doesn’t think it’s a good idea for them to keep training today but she doesn’t want their time alone to be over yet. She decides not to read to much into _that_ just yet. “Is it nightmares?”

“One of the lasting effects of having him inside my head.” He pauses then looks up it her. “I don’t have them on days we do this.”

He would have thought having another person enter his mind would have made the problem worse, but having Rey inside his head feels the complete opposite to the pain of Kylo Ren. He tells her as much and she can’t help but smile, feeling her cheeks warm.

“This _has_ been helping. You should know that.” Poe assures her. “Maybe I’m still keeping the defence up without meaning to and that’s why the nightmares don’t bother me as much.”

“Maybe.” Rey says with a half hearted smile.

“Maybe.” Poe repeats.

* * *

Rey was always good at fixing things; taking broken and worn out pieces and making something new, taking things apart and figuring out how they work. So she pours over the broken pieces of the Skywalker lightsaber, finds out how it fits together, the mechanics of getting it to work.

It’s beyond repair, she knows that, but she thinks she knows enough now to try and create her own. It wouldn’t look anywhere near as sophisticated as a weapon of its kind should, but Rey never cared about anything like that. At least the crystal is still intact.

It means leaving to find materials (she’s been through the junk piles in the base over and over but hasn’t found what she needs).

She tells Leia her plans and the General agrees. They need to make contact with a small resistance group in the Outer Rim and Leia doesn’t see why Rey can’t be the one to do it while she’s out there.

“You might want to take a trip to Yavin Four before you come back.” Leia tells her.

Rey raises an inquisitive eyebrow.

“You and I both felt the Tree on Ahch-To burn.” A flicker of grief passes over her face before she continues. “There is another Tree on the moon, in the care of Kes Dameron.”

“Dameron?” Rey blinks at her. “As in...”

“Yes. He’s Poe’s father.” Leia smiles.

 _So Poe grew up by a Force tree_ , Rey thinks. It could explain why he’s able to resist her in their lessons.

Suddenly she has the urge to find Poe and tell him of her plan to go to Yavin IV, find out if he wants to give a message for his father. But he’s off on a scouting mission and she has to leave without saying goodbye. Leia tucks another beacon into Rey’s hand before she boards the Falcon, while Chewie runs his last minute checks.

“I hope you find what you’re looking for.” Leia tells her. “May the Force be with you.”

* * *

She's gone for weeks. Poe drives himself (and everyone around him) to distraction. He wishes he could have seen her before she left - especially since Leia won't tell him where she's gone. She tells him it's ‘Jedi business’ and to focus on training the new recruits. He can’t help but feel something shift inside him. He feels _off_ somehow, and for a horrifying moment he thinks the Force is trying to tell him something. He says as much to Finn and the younger man just laughs and tells him that they all miss Rey. Poe doesn’t miss the curious look at flickers across Finn’s face though and decides not to open his mouth about it again.

* * *

When they land on Yavin IV, Rey disembarks the Falcon and takes a deep breath; filling her lungs with the lush, earthy smell. It’s raining, though she is sheltered by the ship, and it’s still warm. It’s so _green_ and Rey grins as she looks around.

A figure emerges from the house not too far away, and waves. Chewie has followed her down the gangplank. They had sent a coded message ahead of them which had been received and answered, though they are still wary.

The figure has come closer and Rey can make out it is a tall man with dark hair, smiling as he comes towards them.

“Hello there.” He smiles and Rey blinks. He looks so much like...

“I’m Kes Dameron. You must be with the Resistance.” He extends a hand and Rey reaches out to shake it. “I got your message.”

“You’re Poe’s father?”

“I am.” There’s pride in his voice and shining in his eyes.

“He’s the best pilot I’ve ever seen.” Rey tells him and Kes’ smile grows.

“He gets that from his mother.”

“He has your smile.” The words are out of her mouth before she even realises and she feels her face grow hot. Kes chuckles at her embarrassment but accepts the compliment graciously.

Chewie gives her a look which she ignores. She realises she’s still shaking Kes’ hand and he’s giving her the same bemused look Poe sometimes sends her way.

“Sorry. I’m Rey.” She shakes her head and lets go of the older man’s hand before gesturing to Chewie. “This is Chewbacca.”

“It’s good to meet you both. Come, I’ll take you to it.” Kes gestures back towards his home before leading the way, Rey and Chewie follow as Kes takes them around the outside of the house. At the back stands the Tree. Rey feels drawn to it - just like the one on Atch-to.

When they step up close to it Rey brushes her fingers against the thick trunk, a shiver running the length of her spine.

“Do you mind if I sit here a while?” She turns to Kes suddenly. He shrugs and shakes his head before turning to Chewbacca.

“Your message said you were looking for information on the old Rebel base too? I’ve got it inside.” The wookie nods and follows Kes into the house through the back door, leaving Rey alone.

The leaves and branches are dense enough to shelter her from most of the rain so she sits on the damp soil by the trunk and closes her eyes.

_He has Poe’s smile and the same crinkles around his eyes._

Rey shakes her head to try and clear it, tries to focus on the energy radiating from the tree.

_His hair is greyer and he’s taller than Poe but they have the same-_

Rey’s eyes snap open and she frowns up at the ancient tree. “I thought you would help.”

It’s been weeks since they saw each other. Months, perhaps. It’s difficult keeping track on the go. She’s been stopping herself from thinking about him for as long. There’s an ache in her chest when she does. It’s different to the ache when she thinks of Finn so far away. Because there’s frustration too, as well as the worry. There’s so much she still wants to ask him and suddenly being here, in his childhood home, so far away and no idea when or if she’ll see him again, it makes her worry that she’ll never get the chance to. She wants to ask him about the first flight he can remember, wants to ask him about his mother, wants to know about his time growing up in this beautiful place and just _what_ he did to this tree.

Without thinking she touches the tree again and reaches out with her mind. She thinks she can almost sense him, half a galaxy away. Or maybe years in the past. This tree has a memory and Poe is woven into its history. Is the tree making her feel memories of a much younger Poe? Or is it amplifying her ability to sense him so far away?

Maybe she _is_ imagining it.

Still, she sits there with her eyes closed. Feeling. Listening. And definitely _not_ thinking about Poe.

The rain eventually stops; the quiet pitter-patter of droplets falling on leaves giving way to the sounds of the wildlife around her. The absence of the soothing sound of rainfall seems to rouse Rey from her meditation.

Her eyes snap open.

She pulls her hand away from the tree quickly as if burned. They’re here for a reason and sitting in the dirt isn’t going to get her home any faster. As she climbs to her feet she stops. _Home_ , she had called it. The base was never how she had pictured it when she curled up alone at night on Jakku. She had always imagined somewhere...if she was honest it had been somewhere like this - Poe’s home - with a family and a sense of belonging (and no sand in sight). Maybe she _had_ found that in the Resistance. Her chest aches again and Rey shakes her head.

_Enough._

She takes the cutting as she planned to from the tree, storing it safely in her pack before making her way towards the house for Chewie.

She finds Kes and and her co-pilot in a small study, looking at a projected map, entry and exit routes highlighted.

“All set?” Kes asks as Rey enters.

She nods. “Thank you.”

“I’m sorry you can’t stay longer, but I know you have work to do.” Kes walks them out, back towards the Falcon.

“When you see Poe…” Kes hesitates making Rey stop. “Tell him his old man misses him, would you? And that I’m proud.”  
  
Rey’s throat almost closes up. “Of course.”

She holds her hand out to shake. “Goodbye, Mr Dameron.”

“Kes.” He reminds her but shakes her hand. “Goodbye, Rey. May the Force be with you.”

Rey and Chewie leave Kes at his door and walk the rest of the way back to the ship in silence.

Rey hesitates at the bottom of the gangplank and takes a deep breath, Chewie looks down at her curiously.

“Let’s go home.” She smiles.

* * *

When they return to the base, Rey feels herself sag with relief in the pilot seat as soon as they have landed. They had sent communication ahead of them and were expected but the hanger looks suspiciously empty when she steps off the ship. Finn is waiting though.

He rushes forward and gathers Rey into a hug, spinning her round, and it makes her laugh.

“You okay?” Finn asks when he has planted her safely on the ground again.

She nods. “You?”

“Yeah.” He waves a hello to Chewbacca. “There’s a briefing about to start, I was hoping you’d get in before I had to head over.”

Rey nods and she and Chewie follow Finn out of the hangar.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” Finn asks as they make their way through the network of tunnels.

“I think I did, yes.” Rey clears her throat.

The room is buzzing with activity and packed full. Leia hasn’t arrived yet.

There’s a swoop in her stomach when she sees Poe standing across the briefing room. He's talking with Snap and hasn't noted her entrance. She’s about to look away when he suddenly looks round, his eyes widen as he spots Rey. He says something quickly to Snap, clapping him on the shoulder before maneuvering through the people gathered until he is standing in front of her.

“Hey!” He grins and hesitates before hugging her. She can feel his relief, powerful like a wave. The familiar smell of him fills her up; it’s entirely _too_ familiar and she has to step back.

She opens her mouth to return his greeting but the entrance of the General claims everyone’s attention. Rey clears her throat, turning her attention to Leia even as her heart keeps hammering.

Intelligence and status reports are discussed and Rey is relieved she doesn’t have to contribute. She couldn’t focus even if she wanted to. She’s exhausted and is hyper-aware of how close Poe is standing. His arm brushes against hers and she shifts subtly away. He doesn’t seem to notice.

Poe smells of the trees and the rain and engine oil and sweat. He smells like everything new but so achingly familiar. Familiar like... _home_.

The thought scares her and for a moment she wishes she had never met him. She feels guilty almost immediately and he seems to sense her inner turmoil (or she’s not doing very well at hiding her emotions) because she feels his eyes on her; can see him turn his head towards her out of the corner of her eye.

Suddenly he feels too close. She needs to get out, get away from the room full of people. She knows she can’t leave in the middle of a briefing but her heart is thumping wildly in her chest and her mind can’t focus on any of the information being told to them.

Finn seems to sense her distress too and he looks over at her in confusion.

She can feel the concern radiating off of Poe and it only makes it worse.

This isn’t how her homecoming was supposed to go.

As soon as the meeting is dismissed, Rey bolts from the room. Running and running, not sure where her feet are taking her. She’ll find Leia later; right now she needs to be anywhere else.

She sprints through the base, paying no attention to the direction. She stops in an unfamiliar tunnell, needing to catch her breath, needing to see the sky but knowing she can’t.

“Rey!”

The sound of Poe’s voice makes her stomach clench. He’s followed her. Of course he has.

Seized by impulse Rey turns without a word and strides towards Poe. He’s standing with his hands on his hips, ready to say something once he catches his breath but she’s in front of him, her hands grabbing either side of his face and pulling him in to press her mouth to his.

Poe freezes, his hands hovering by her elbows, his brain shutting down and forgetting to actually _do_ anything.

And Rey pulls away just as quickly as she came at him. He looks as dazed as she feels and her fingers rise to ghost over her lips as if she can’t quite believe what she’s done.

“Um…” Poe blinks a few times, trying to focus enough to form a proper sentence. Rey’s eyes widen and she backs away, slowly at first before she turns and runs in the opposite direction.

“Rey! Rey, wait!” Poe calls but she ignores him, not slowing her pace until she is sure she is out of sight. She finds herself out of breath, falling back against a wall (still no idea which tunnel she has ended up in), closing her eyes to try and block out everything. It had been chaste but it had made her dizzy anyway. She wonders if all kisses did that or if it was just first ones.

She had kissed him.

She had _kissed_ him.

 _Why_?

How was she ever going to face him again?

* * *

Eventually Rey finds her way back to a familiar path and heads for her quarters, stomach full of knots hoping she won’t run into her neighbour. In a hurry to be safely locked in her room she punches in the access code at her door and darts in as soon as it slides open. In her distracted state she lets out a yelp when she comes face to face with Leia.

“I wasn’t expecting you, sorry.” Rey gasps at the older woman who holds up a hand to silence her.

“I’m sorry I startled you.” Leia takes a seat on the edge of Rey’s bed. “You ran out of the room so fast I didn’t get the chance to ask how your trip was.”  
  
“Oh, I uh- good. Really good. I think I have everything I need and we made contact with the group in the Outer Rim. We’ve set them up with some supplies.” Rey clears her throat, moving further into the room, aware of Leia’s analysing gaze on her. Her pack is still on the Falcon she realises, and with nothing to distract her she clasps her hands behind her back and turns to face Leia.

“And Kes Dameron?”

Rey’s stomach jolts at the name. The older woman’s face is innocent enough but Rey can tell there is something behind her gaze.

“I got the cutting. It’s on the Falcon in an incubation tank.”

“Kes is a good man. He’s taken care of that tree for years. He could have moved elsewhere after he lost Shara or to have been closer to Poe...but he stayed.” Leia got to her feet with a sigh. “Poe is a lot like him. And his mother.”

Rey composes her face into what she hopes is a neutral expression.

“You look worn out, get some rest and come give me your report in a couple of hours.” Leia hesitates by the door. “It’s good to have you back.”

* * *

Rey has been hiding on the Falcon all day. After a few hours of trying to sleep she had crept out of her room and had sought out Leia to report on her mission. Another disadvantage of the base being below ground was the constant artificial light and the how much it affected her internal alarm. She had always risen before the sun on Jakku but here it was difficult to know when it was day or night - especially having been in space for so long.

As it turned out Leia was still awake after all, though the displays around the base told Rey it was late. By the time she left the General, the base was quiet and her fears of running into Poe were eased somewhat.

In the morning she had skipped breakfast and had headed straight for the Falcon, where she had remained for the rest of the day. Initially she had tried to begin work on her new lightsaber but her thoughts were in too much of a tangle to concentrate. So she had opted for tinkering with what she could instead.

She’s in the cockpit when she hears footsteps. She knows who it is. She can feel it.

“I thought I’d find you here.” Poe clears his throat as he comes into view. He hesitates at the threshold, shifting his weight from foot to foot, and if Rey didn’t know better she would say he was nervous. “BeeBee-Ate told me no one’s seen you all day.”

Rey remains silent, keeping her eyes on the wiring in front of her. Poe swallows and takes a step into the cockpit. Rey sends a brief glance his way.

“You wouldn’t believe how often I’d pretend to be flying this ship when I was a kid.” Poe muses, looking around. The choice of subject gives her pause.

“Leia told me this morning you went to Yavin.” Poe settles his gaze on her. “What did you think?”

“It was…” _like home._ Rey clears her throat and tries again, still not looking at him. “It was beautiful.”

She takes a breath and finally looks at him. He’s watching her carefully.

“I met your father.” She feels his mood spike. “He misses you but he’s proud of the work you’re doing.”

A relieved smile spreads across Poe’s face. “Thank you. For telling me.”

Rey turns quickly back to the open panel in front of her again.

“About yesterday…” Poe takes a small step closer to her.

“I’m sorry.” Rey clenches the wrench she is holding tighter in an effort to stop her hand from shaking. “It was a mistake.”  
  
“A mistake?”  
  
“It won’t happen again.” Rey gives up and throws the wrench into her toolkit with unnecessary force.

“I mean, it isn’t exactly how I thought our first kiss would go but-”

Rey turns suddenly to face him. The cockpit is confined and he’s so _close_.

“Well, I’m sorry it was so terrible.” Rey feels her cheeks grow warm, suddenly wanting to be as far away from him as possible.

Poe’s eyes widen and he hurries to make amends, Rey having evidently not drawn anything from his words except perceived criticism.

“No! It wasn’t bad!” He reaches out to catch her arm as she tries to move past him but hesitates.

They stare at each other in silence for a few moments. Rey’s mortification feels as though it will consume her and she looks down at where Poe hovers by her elbow.

He clears his throat.

“Will you just…” Poe reaches for her and brings her hand up until her fingers rest against his temple.

At last Rey looks at him, her eyes widening as he lets her in, no barriers, to see the only thoughts running through his head.

“Oh.” She says quietly, realisation dawning on her. Poe watches her with a soft smile, eyes roaming over her face.

“You wanna maybe try it again?” Poe leans towards her. “Maybe give me a chance to respond this time?”

She nods, her hand still by his face, but doesn’t move closer. So Poe does instead.

He closes the gap between them, bringing his lips to hers, much less frantic than Rey’s hurried attempt in the corridor. It’s soft and he sighs into it, as if has been holding on to nerves too, before he wraps his arms around her and pulls her against him, kissing her more firmly.

When he pulls away, Poe rests his forehead against hers. They’re the same height and their gaze is level.

“I missed you too.” He smiles, eyes crinkling in that oh so familiar way.

For a horrifying moment Rey thinks she has placed her thoughts into his head but his smile seems to assure her otherwise.

“It wasn’t how I wanted it to go either.” She tells him, hands resting on his shoulders. “This is better.”

Poe shakes his head. “Not better. Just less of a surprise.”

But she supposes it isn’t a surprise after all.

* * *

Life in the Resistance can be fleeting; people don't waste time.

But time passes.

They win.

They lose.

The fight continues.

More of Rey’s belongings migrate to Poe's quarters until her own are reassigned. He isn't even surprised to find her curled up in his bed the day it happens, he just kisses her temple and heads to the refresher after a long day of meetings.

They never really speak about it - not even when they wake up tangled together and stumble out of his room to the mess for breakfast. No one else says anything either - not even Finn.

Their numbers grow.

They suffer losses.

Days blur and Poe Dameron takes a chance.

* * *

Poe nudges his nose against Rey’s temple and whispers her name. She hums out a quiet noise but doesn’t move so he does it again.

She turns in his arms this time, groaning as she does, too tired to complain properly.

“What?” She grumbles, eyes still closed, screwing up her face. Poe takes her hand from where it’s tucked between them and places it against his temple, waiting. Rey sighs as she follows his invitation, reaching out with her tired mind and listening. Her eyes snap open. She is met with Poe’s gaze, watching her with a soft look of contentment. She searches his face for a beat longer in the darkened room before a smile begins to grow.

“I love you too.” She whispers, grinning at him. Even in the semi-darkness of their room her smile is dazzling. He smiles back at her and closes the distance to kiss her.

He shifts away from her for a moment and Rey is confused until he reaches behind his neck to remove his chain.

“I want you to have this.” He presses the chain and the ring into her hand. “It doesn't have to mean anything _more_. I just want you to have it. There's no one else I'd want to have it.”

She holds her hand up for him to slide the ring on her finger. He takes her hand in his and kisses it before tucking it between them again.

“Are we married now?” Rey asks.

Poe laughter is soft. “Not officially, no. It's just a ring.”

But she knows what it means to him.

“When people are married they take the other person's last name…” Rey says thoughtfully.

Poe doesn't correct her that it's not always the case - his mother was never Shara Dameron.

“Do you want to be Rey Dameron?” He asks, knowing how much a last name means to her.

Rey is quiet a few moments then nods. “I think I would, yes.”

“Then we'd best make it official.” And he kisses her.

**Author's Note:**

> This started out small back in January 2016 then just kept getting longer and longer. I did have the majority written before TLJ but unfortunately didn’t finish and it required a significant amount of rewriting after TLJ. I’ve been sitting with it unfinished for months because all my inspiration left me (hmm I wonder why) but it was Damerey Week and I was determined to finish for that (again, sadly, that did not happen though I did end up adding 3k to it). It’s a bit late now but hey it’s almost Christmas! I hope you enjoyed it, Damerey pals! Happy almost anniversary of the ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’ video and me shipping this lovely ship for 3 years - look how far this fandom has come!


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